In honor of Ewan Eliezer

There is a grieving mommy whose arms are empty tonight. They shouldn't be. A sweet baby boy should be cradled there nursing at her breast and staring up into her loving eyes. I hate that it isn't so.

Instead, her arms are empty and her heart is broken. And, my heart is broken for her.

She is my friend and my sister.

I know I cannot comprehend the depth of her grief. I don't fool myself into thinking that I can. I can't. But, I can comprehend the depth of her love, because I am a fellow mother. I love my children with the same fierce and incomprehensible love that she loved her boy. I understand that love and even though Ewan is no longer here, I know that love lives on in his mama. I get that.

Even though I never met him, I loved Ewan with a real and tangible love. I remember the joy I felt when I read Kirsten's email, 9 months ago now, that she was expecting a child. Tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving! I remember the gut wrenching pain I felt when I learned that the child she was carrying had a broken heart and the months I spent praying for a miracle. I remember the nights I spent praying through to the early morning hours, after he was born; I can still taste the tears I shed pleading to God to spare his life.

But, we live in a fallen world and even though God is the ultimate victor, sin and death still rule this earth for now. I hate that it is so.

I never got to meet Ewan, but someday I will. Death doesn't have the final say. Praise the Lord! Jesus Christ has conquered death. Ewan is in heaven now, perfect and whole, singing to his Maker in the presence of the angels and saints. And someday I will get to meet that precious baby and stand together with him worshiping God. And someday, his mama's broken heart will be healed and all her tears will be diamonds poured at the feet of Jesus.

Today is a sad day, but I live in hope of that future day.

Sing, baby Ewan,

Sing, little one.

Sing to Jesus.

And, someday,

we'll sing with you.

32 Things

1. Jesus Christ--The Savior who is always loving, always faithful, always patient, and always leading me closer to Him.

2. Joshua Redin--my amazing husband who serves our family and loves God wholeheartedly

3. Caleb Redin--the most loving, kind-hearted three-year-old I've ever met

4. Annabelle Redin--the silliest, joy-filled, most playful girl on this planet

5. Jonah Redin--for his sweet smiles, snuggles and expressive eyes

6. RHC--our church here in Singapore that passionately loves Christ and teaches Truth

7. Extended Family (if I listed everyone that would take up the rest of the 32 items)--so thankful that nearly everyone in our extended family is a brother/sister/father/mother/grandmother not just in this passing world, but a brother/sister in the shining world to come.

8. Friends--For long-time friends and new ones. For best friends that trek across the world to share our experiences in Singapore, and for neighbor friends who trek down the hall to say hello. For friends that I talk to every day, and for friends who send an email out of the blue every few months.

9. Health--For the last year which has been relatively sick-less. A minor cold here and there but no major battles.

10. Daily bread--For the daily food and water we have in abundance. . . in a time when many around the world are suffering for lack of food and drinkable water.

--Okay, done with the serious stuff. . . from here on out, there is no particular order and no particular depth =)

11. Banana Muffins and a cold glass of milk

12. Packages from home

13. My Canon

14. Photoshop

15. Legos (what else could keep Caleb occupied for hours on end!?)

16. Air conditioning

17. Al Azhar's Indian restaurant

18. Baby carriers that free up my hands

19. Naps

20. Skype

21. Kaya Toast

22. Singapore Zoo

23. The pool

24. Grocery delivery

25. Taxis

26. My iPod and it's player

27. Hair bows for Annabelle

28. Pink nail polish

29. The Mini-mart!

30. 20-cent popsicles

31. Free refills (since most places here DON'T have them, I am really thankful for them when I do get them)

32. Tortillas

Shower Painting

I recently came up with a way for Annabelle to paint to her heart's content without worrying about the mess.

When she's done, I just take the painting off the wall, turn on the water and let her take a shower. Instant clean-up! It's a lot easier than dealing with this:

Conversation Snippet 8: Tuna

Caleb had his first tuna fish sandwich yesterday.

Caleb after his first bite: Mom, what is this?

Me: It's a tuna fish sandwich.

Caleb: Hmmm. . . well, I like the tuna part okay, but I don't really like the fish part.

Conversation Snippet 7: Pretty

Alternate Title: Why Everyone Should Keep a 3-year-old in the House

I was standing out on the utility balcony this morning hanging a load of laundry. It is a hot and humid day, and I was sweating after just a minute of being out there. Add that on top of the fact that I've been sick all week, haven't showered in over a day, was sporting a very sloppy bed-head, and was still wearing my pajamas, and you can picture the sight.

I noticed Caleb standing in the doorway watching me work. Then, out of nowhere:

Caleb: Mom, you're really pretty.
Me: Thanks, Caleb.
Caleb: I mean, even though you don't have good clothes on, you're still really pretty.
Me: Thanks, Caleb.
Caleb: You're welcome, Mom. (and off he went to play)

I think he was probably the only person who could have given that complement in complete sincerity of heart. There really is something wonderful about having a 3-year-old!

Jonah's Birth Story

Quite a few people have asked me to post Jonah's birth story. Here you go =)

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A little background on public transport first: Since cars are outrageous to own and maintain here in Singapore, we rely on buses and taxis. That means that even a simple trip to the nearby grocery store can turn into a huge outing if we happen to miss the bus or if we can't hail a taxi quickly. If we are really desperate, we can call the taxi company and book a taxi (and pay an extra fee), but even that isn't foolproof. Just two days ago, we spent over 20 minutes on hold, attempting to get through to the booking agent-- after trying to hail a taxi on the street for over 30 minutes!

So. . . what does this have to do with Jonah's birth? A lot. My previous two labors were short and without warning (3 hrs for Caleb, and 90 minutes for Annabelle) and I was pretty sure this labor would be quick, too. I had visions (nightmares is more like it) of delivering in a taxi en route to the hospital. And apparently my fears weren't unfounded because the doctor had the same concern. About a month before my due date, she broached the subject of planning an induction. My first pick would have been too let my body go into labor naturally, but given the circumstances, I was relieved that the doctor was willing to jump start things to avoid a taxi drama!

On Monday, March 1st, I went in for my 38-week check-up. I was already dilated to 3.5 cm so the doctor arranged for me to check in the next morning. It's a strange thing to go to bed knowing that you'll wake up and have a baby in your arms by the end of the day. Needless to say I didn't sleep well on Monday night!!

Our friend volunteered to watch Caleb and Annabelle, so after dropping them off at her house, Josh and I headed to the hospital. We got checked in and the doctor broke my water around 10:30AM. We waited an hour and a half to see if I would start contractions on my own. I had a bit of light cramping, but they were strongest just after my water broke and had subsided by the time 12:30 rolled around. The doctor decided to put me on a drip to induce labor. Unfortunately, I have ridiculously small veins and it took over 20 minutes for the nurse to get an IV line inserted. They finally started the drip a few minutes before 1:00. They started me off on the lowest dose possible, but even so, contractions started immediately. YIKES! It felt like going from zero to sixty in 3 seconds flat. The nurse manager came in around 1:15 and checked me-- 6 cm. She told me just to call her when I felt like pushing. She bustled around the room checking the IV and getting things in order and, no joke. . . two contractions later I suddenly felt the unmistakable urge to push. I told the nurse and much to my surprise, she started pulling out all the delivery items while dialing the doctor on her cell phone. I looked at Josh and he looked at me. . . this lady was obviously overreacting! After all, I was only at 6 cm about 2 minutes before. I almost questioned her, but the next contraction started before I could get the chance and once that one hit, I really didn't care if she was overreacting or not. The doctor arrived about 3 or 4 minutes later (her office is only 4 floors above the L&D ward), threw on her gear and sat down. On the next contraction, she gave me the okay to push and two pushes later, Jonah was born! The doctor immediately put him on my tummy and I was the one who got to make the announcement, "We have a boy!!!" (Josh said he was totally speechless because the whole thing happened so fast. I didn't mind, though. . . I was kind of fun to get to be the first to announce it!) 1:24 PM--just a little less than 30 minutes the first contraction. Jonah cried immediately which is always a beautiful sound!

Each time I've delivered, I'm always amazed at how immediate the relief is and how quickly I forget that only minutes before I was in agonizing pain. The joy is overwhelming and sudden!

As cool as it would have been for Jonah to say he had been delivered in a Singaporean Taxi, I'm pretty darn happy that's NOT his birth story =)

Conversation Snippet 6: When I'm the boss

On Friday, I was singing a rousing rendition of "What Can Wash Away My Sins?" as I was putting away laundry first thing after breakfast. Apparently, it was too early in the morning for Caleb's liking (either that or he thinks I can't sing!) because he came into my bedroom, flopped on the bed and we had the following conversation:

Caleb: Mom, you need to stop singing that song.

Me: Nope. You can't tell me what to do because you're the son and I'm the Mommy. You may ask me politely, but I might still say no because God made me the boss of you when He made me your Mommy.

Caleb: When do I get to be the boss?

Me: When you grow up and you are the Daddy then you can be the boss.

Caleb: Hmm (thinking quite seriously). . . Well just so you know, when I grow up and I'm the boss and I'm singing really loud and my son comes and tells me to stop, I will listen to him!

Afternoon Stroll

Little Bo Peep

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep

and doesn't know where to find them.

February

The upside to the perpetually hot weather here is that we can do THIS. . .

in February!