Monday, October 04, 2010

In honor of Ewan Eliezer

There is a grieving mommy whose arms are empty tonight. They shouldn't be. A sweet baby boy should be cradled there nursing at her breast and staring up into her loving eyes. I hate that it isn't so.

Instead, her arms are empty and her heart is broken. And, my heart is broken for her.
She is my friend and my sister.

I know I cannot comprehend the depth of her grief. I don't fool myself into thinking that I can. I can't. But, I can comprehend the depth of her love, because I am a fellow mother. I love my children with the same fierce and incomprehensible love that she loved her boy. I understand that love and even though Ewan is no longer here, I know that love lives on in his mama. I get that.

Even though I never met him, I loved Ewan with a real and tangible love. I remember the joy I felt when I read Kirsten's email, 9 months ago now, that she was expecting a child. Tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving! I remember the gut wrenching pain I felt when I learned that the child she was carrying had a broken heart and the months I spent praying for a miracle. I remember the nights I spent praying through to the early morning hours, after he was born; I can still taste the tears I shed pleading to God to spare his life.

But, we live in a fallen world and even though God is the ultimate victor, sin and death still rule this earth for now. I hate that it is so.

I never got to meet Ewan, but someday I will. Death doesn't have the final say. Praise the Lord! Jesus Christ has conquered death. Ewan is in heaven now, perfect and whole, singing to his Maker in the presence of the angels and saints. And someday I will get to meet that precious baby and stand together with him worshiping God. And someday, his mama's broken heart will be healed and all her tears will be diamonds poured at the feet of Jesus.

Today is a sad day, but I live in hope of that future day.


Sing, baby Ewan,
Sing, little one.
Sing to Jesus.
And, someday,
we'll sing with you.

14 comments:

Sarah said...

Rebecca, this is beautiful. I love your faith here, and how much you love Ewan and Kirsten. And amen! may we all sing together one day!

Grandma said...

BEAUTIFUL...I JUST CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY NOW....

christianne said...

I love the little song you wrote for him at the end. Your mother's heart is beautiful. Thank you for the way you love Kirsten and baby Ewan.

Mom said...

What a beautiful tribute to Ewan. Thanks for taking the time to write this. Kiss your babies for me.

Momma Sue said...

There just aren't enough tears, are there, Rebecca.

I love all you Biola girls and can't help but feel a great measure of joy (in the midst of the tremendous heartache we all share right now with Kirsten) at how much you all love each other and love Jesus! I thank God He sent you all to find each other those many years ago in Whittier, and that your love and friendship lives on, and will eternally.

Bless you and your little family, dear girl. I am glad to know you!

Momma Sue

kirsten michelle said...

I just saw this, Rebecca. This is beautiful -- thank you so much for this tribute that you wrote.

It's so hard to hold that tension sometimes: the hope that we have for the resurrection, for every tear to be wiped away -- and the reality we live in now. We have to wade through the grief, we have to (as someone I recently spoke with said) "climb up on the cross with Christ." It shouldn't be so.

I know grieving my Ewan will be a lifelong process. I know there will be days where I'll be going about my normal business, and it will hit me that he should be here. I know one day I'll look at his nursery, at all the clothes we washed for him, and I'll fall apart.

That sweet boy taught me enough to last the rest of my days on earth, I think. I will be unpacking his lessons for a long, long time.

Much love to you and your sweet babies,
kirsten

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