The "P" Word

Yep, I'm finally bringing up the dreaded "P" word. The one word that strikes fear into every mother's heart: POTTY-TRAINING.

I know there are a thousand different theories and methods out there and even more success/failure stories. If you're new to mothering, you are probably wondering where to start. I'd like to add to the confusion and give you yet another potty-training how-to theory.

I can now say, with confidence, that Caleb is potty trained. He has been almost 3 weeks now without diapers and only 2-3 accidents (all of those while busy playing) during that time. He's been sleeping in his big-boy undies and going out on the town in them, too. When he came running up to me on the playground and told me he had to go potty, I figured we had arrived at the past-tense of potty-training. =)

So, now I'm passing along my experiences to you. Take all of my advice with a grain of salt, since I've only done this potty-training thing once.

Rebecca's Potty Training Manual
1. Wait.
That's right. . . the first and most crucial advice I can give you is w-a-i-t. Bladder/bowel control and awareness is primarily a developmental milestone, not a matter of obedience. Your 18-month old may be ready, but chances are, he isn't. And, just because your neighbor's 3-year-old is trained, doesn't mean that your 3-year-old is ready. So, wait until you're sure that your child will succeed. That probably means waiting until AFTER your child is ready.

2. Ignore.
The second step is to ignore everyone's anecdotes (hmm, am I shooting myself in the foot here?) and advice. Go with your gut. If your great-uncle's wife's cousin trained her 12 children to go potty in the toilet when they were only 14 months old, that's great. But you shouldn't feel pressured to do the same. Ignore people who look at you funny when you're still buying diapers for your 2-year-old, it's okay. They'll get over it. For the sake of your child and yourself, don't use other people as your measuring stick. Don't even use other siblings. Remember, it's primarily a biological issue.

3. Relax.
Relax if things don't go the way you think they should. If you think your child is ready and it turns out they aren't, it's okay. Don't stress and don't make it a big deal. Just wait and try again in a few more weeks/months. I think another word to keep in mind is Grace. Be gracious with your child. I am a strong proponent of training for obedience, but I honestly feel like potty-training is less about obedience and more about the natural physical limitations of a child. Don't shame your child if he/she has accidents or is a little on the late side of being ready. It'll come eventually. Just look around you. . . how many normal 15-year-olds do you know that aren't potty trained? My guess is, none (that could be because there aren't any "normal" 15-year-olds!) So, don't stress. It'll happen eventually.

4. Have Fun.
Did I just say have fun? Yes, I did, and I didn't forget that we are talking about potty-training. This is a big achievement for you and for your child. Celebrate your successes. Make it fun. Children are very fun and playful. That is what makes children so magical. Don't make potty-training a drudgery. Your child probably won't respond well to it if it is. Buy the coolest, most fun underwear you can find. Put them out for your child to admire. Talk it up. . . when you use the restroom, talk about what a big girl (I'm assuming anyone that has made it this far into this post is probably a mom) you are and how exciting it will be when your child is a big boy/girl. When he decides to be a big boy and succeeds for the first time, throw a party. Dance around. Cheer. Call Daddy at work (if you can) or Grandma. . . or both! It's big news in your child's mind, so make it big news. Get out the ice cream or chips or whatever treat it is that your child loves best. Children love excitement, so make potty-training exciting.

So, what did this look like for us:
1. Waiting.
Before Caleb's 2nd birthday, we purchased a little potty chair. We put it in a prominent place in the bathroom and hoped that he might be interested. He was, but only if he could stay fully clothed while sitting on there. I was tempted to force him to try it sans diaper and clothes, but then I thought, "Why? Why does it matter if he wants to sit on the potty with his diaper on?" And, I realized that it didn't matter.

Over the next few months, he tried going potty a few times and was successful once or twice, but I could tell he really wasn't ready. So we kept waiting.

I knew we were getting close when he started asking to go. But, still we waited. I wanted to be sure that he was totally ready.

2. Ignoring.
Caleb's cousin, who is 9-months younger than Caleb, potty-trained herself almost 4 months ago. She was only 16-months at the time!! Talk about feeling the intense pressure to keep up with the Joneses! It wasn't anyone else I had to ignore this time, it was myself. I had to ignore the internal pressure I was feeling and go with my gut. I knew Caleb wasn't ready yet and that his cousin is a potty-protegy! I mean, seriously, how many 16-month-old potty-train themselves. Not many.

3. Relaxing
This one was pretty easy because by the time we actually started potty training, Caleb was definitely ready and he basically potty-trained himself. So, the relaxing I had to do was before the potty-training started. But, we have had a few accidents and when they happen, I just say something like, "Oh well, buddy! It's okay. We'll just clean it up and try again next time. Okay?" We clean it up, pick out more cool undies, and start over. No big deal. And, each day, we ask God to help Caleb grow big and strong and go pee pee on the potty. Remember, it's all about grace, and ultimately, it is God's grace we need, even for things like going potty.

4. Having Fun.
Chips and ice cream. That's what does it for Caleb. Once he learned that he could have a chip for going #1 and a bite of ice cream for going #2, he was like white on rice. Chips are his greatest love in life. Throw into the mix some cool Cars undies and lots and lots of dancing and cheering and there was no stopping him. Oh, and the coolest, getting to pee on a tree (this a boy-only activity) while we were out on a walk. Some things are inherently cool to little boys, and peeing on a tree is one of them. This is one thing his mother doesn't understand, but Josh assures me that boys think peeing on trees is really cool =)


So, take heart. If you are dreading potty-training, don't. It doesn't have to be horrible. Expect there to be false starts and accidents along the way. Cheer loud and give lots of hugs. Oh, and for every bite of ice cream you give your toddler, go ahead and take two for yourself. It'll help. I promise. =)


If you have any other advice or want to share your story, please leave a comment. The more the merrier!

A conversation about heaven

Caleb was sick last week. Very sick. At one point, after praying with Caleb that God would make him better, the following conversation transpired:camping out on the couch

"I am sorry you are sick, Sweetheart. I hope God answers our prayer soon."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you want to hear some really good news? Someday, if you accept Jesus and love him, God will let you go to heaven to live with Him forever. And in heaven, no one is ever sick. Isn't that something to look forward to?"

"Yes! No more sick. That's good!"

"Yes, it is good. God is very kind to us."

"Yeah, He is! . . . .Hey, Mom. . . I wanna go to Church!"

Drink Choices

Caleb: Mommy, can I have juice?
Me: No, you already had a cup this morning.
(walking to refrigerator and opening)
You can have water or. . . SHOOT!, we're out of milk. Sorry.
Caleb: Um. . . I want Shoot, please.

The basics of our Faith

When I was growing up, I had never heard of protestants going to catechism. As far as I knew, whatever it was, it was something Catholics did. Then when I was in junior high, my friend, Lisa, invited me to go with her to her catechism class at the Turlock Covenant Church. It sounded so mysterious that I couldn't wait to go with her to find out what it was. I was awfully surprised when it turned out to be totally normal. We played games and sang songs and then her pastor came in and taught us the answer to a question about Christianity. I couldn't figure out what the catechism part of "going to catechism" was.

I eventually learned that Catechism isn't just a Catholic thing and it isn't mysterious at all. It is a way of teaching the principal tenets of the Christian faith using questions and answers. And, kids are particularly good at learning this way. But, don't assume kids are the only ones who can learn this stuff. I'm learning right along with Caleb as we go through the Small Children's Catechism.



Someone is going to fill our kids' minds with something; why not let it be us, their parents, filling them with God's Word and easy to understand summaries of the things we believe are True. Obviously, memorizing the answers to the questions is just a start. It's our kids' hearts that matter. The ultimate goal is to lead our children to Christ!

If you aren't sure how to catechize, or you want to add some fun into it, I'd recommend Dana Dirksen's Questions with Answers series. They are songs taken from the Westminster Shorter Catechism. I have found that songs are one of the easiest ways for me to memorize, so I have really been enjoying the cd we downloaded from iTunes. Check her out and let me know what you think.

Parenting Book Recommendations

Jen recently asked me where I learned about the idea of Chair Time. I remember that I read about it in several books, but I was devouring those kind of books for a while and I really don't remember. To add to the fact that my brain now functions at half-speed thanks to the two little bundles of joy I call children, I also moved from CA to Singapore since reading those books and they are packed in a box somewhere. What I do remember is several conversations with mothers of large families (like Heather and Kendra) who recommended training Caleb to play quietly for extended periods of time. I'm very thankful to have wise friends and family that I can learn from.

While I don't remember which books introduced the idea of chair time/quiet play, I do remember a few of the books which stood out to me as particularly insightful or helpful:

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp
The Most Important Place on Earth by Robert Wolgemuth
Your Child's Profession of Faith by Dennis Gundersen (not what you're expecting)
Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman
Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas
The Mother at Home by Rev. John S.C. Abbott

As with any book, I recommend that you read with discernment and judge everything by the standard of Scripture. And, keep in mind that not every great idea works in every family. Just because something worked well for so-and-so, doesn't mean you should feel guilty if your family looks completely different (I am reminding myself!) Even if you only implement one or two ideas out of a thousand, it's good to hear from others who are further down the path.

Now it's your turn. . . Aside from the Bible, the best source of wisdom, which books/blogs would you recommend for parenting wisdom?

Chair Time Revisited

Caleb: Chair Timer Extraordinaire

If there is one thing I would recommend that a mom of a toddler do as a way to prepare for a new baby, it would be chair time (or quiet-play time). All of our chair time training of the last 6 months has more than paid off these last two weeks. Waking several times a night to feed a newborn is very tiring. But waking several times a night to feed a newborn and then caring for an energetic toddler all day is downright exhausting!

Caleb is now capable of sitting quietly on the couch in our extra room and playing (doing puzzles and reading books) for up to 90 minutes. (I normally limit his daily quiet-play time to 45 minutes, but there have been a few times when the timer has gone off and he was playing so cheerfully, that I reset the timer and "let" him have more chair time.) If you're single or married without children, 90 minutes might not sound like much, but to a mother of small kids, 90 minutes to yourself feels like an eternity.

Caleb and I have been working on chair time since February, which means I have had sufficient time to make absolutely sure that I can trust him to obey and remain on the chair, a SAFE place, until I come to get him. That means I am free to shower or nap or just sit on the couch and veg. Of course, when I do nap, I still leave my door and the door to his room open so that I can hear him the whole time. . . moms have this cool/annoying ability to sleep and yet remain totally cognizant of all noise in the house.



Anyway, if you have a toddler and are expecting a younger sibling (or even if you aren't expecting a younger sibling), do yourself a huge favor and start working on quiet-play time every day. I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, you will be very glad you did.

Bonus: Chair time is also a great way to train a toddler to sit quietly during church. =)

Civil Disobedience

Me: Caleb, please pick up your trains. It's time for a nap.
Caleb: Um. . . no, thank you.
Me: Yes. You need to obey Mommy. Pick up your trains right now, please.
Caleb: Um. . . no, thank you.


So, while it seems we need to work on prompt obedience, I'd say we have the polite words part down pat.

Redefining Cool

There was a hands-on-science day at one of the malls this weekend. There were tons of cool displays and projects for elementary-aged kids. Caleb was too young for most of it, but he did get a cool balloon hat out of the deal. By the way he was strutting around through the mall, you could tell he thought he was pretty darn cool. Kids are funny. . . they are gloriously oblivious to social protocol.

Like Father, Like Son

How Caleb and Josh spent 1.5 hours of their Saturday. . .

A Reader's Dozen

I am convinced that board books are one of the best inventions known to mothers of toddlers. In addition to all the wonderful benefits of reading together, Caleb can keep himself busy for hours (literally!)a day "reading" his board books. We keep a basket full of board books in the living room and the bottom two shelves of the book shelf are full of board books. He loves to run to the bookshelf, hunt for a favorite book and the bring it out to the carpet to "read". I love that I don't have to worry about whether or not he is destroying the books, since board books are virtually indestructible. (They are not, however, immune from being thrown away by well-meaning toddlers who are trying to "help". . . we recently lost a favorite, My Truck is Stuck!, this way.)

Here is a list of a dozen of the most popular board books in our house:

1. Barnyard Dance! by Sandra Boyton: This book is pure fun. I usually sing-song the words and Caleb dances. The only thing I hear at the end of this book is "MORE!"
2. Chugga Chugga Choo Choo by Kevin Lewis: This is a very rhythmic book that is perfect for reading aloud. Caleb loves saying the "whooo whooo" every time we get to that part. The pictures are great, too-- perfect for pointing out familiar items.
3. Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell: This lift-the-flap book is adorable. Caleb makes all the animal noises, my favorite being the spitting camel. This book is worth owning, if for no other reason than seeing your little one impersonate a camel!
4. Find the Puppy by Felicity Brooks: This book is part of a series called Usborne Find-Its. This is the only one we own, but I'm sure we'd love all of them. If you're looking for intense plot, this isn't the book for you. The words and drawings are simple, but Caleb loves pointing out the puppy on each page. The simplicity is what makes the book work.
5. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown: Okay, this book is famous and it's everyone's favorite, but there is a good reason. . . this book is the perfect quiet-down-get-sleepy book. I don't know what makes this book so magical, it just is. Take my word (and everyone else's) for it!
   
6. My Big Animal Book by Roger Priddy: It's not the words (take 'em or leave 'em. . . we usually leave 'em) that make this book a favorite; it is the big, colorful pictures. Caleb absolutely loves to sit with this book and stare at all the different animals. This book is one of the better ones for learning animal names and sounds because it uses real photographs. This is a great chair-time book.
   
7. My Little People Farm Book by Doris Tomaselli: This lift-the-flap book makes it onto the list because it's a perfect choice when you don't actually want to read. Caleb often crawls up into my lap to read when I'm trying to do something else (like read a "big-people" book or pay bills or check email). I don't like to turn him down, but it isn't always convenient or possible to drop what I'm doing. That's where this book comes in. Each page is loaded with tiny little flaps that keep those little hands enthralled. I can usually provide enough sound effects and object names to make him feel like I'm engaged, without having to completely drop what I'm doing.
8. One Bear, One Dog by Paul Stickland: We love this book. The pictures are great and the surprise ending (not so surprising to anyone who can rhyme worth beans) gets Caleb every time. The last character to make an appearance (warning: spoiler alert!!) is "ME!" (a little mirror on the last page). I don't know when or how it started, but Caleb loves to give himself a kiss in the mirror each time we get to the last page. This book has been Caleb's favorite since he was about 4 months old and he shows no sign of losing interest. Like all kids, I think he tends to be a bit narcissistic =)
   
9. Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt: I know we're not the first to list this book as a favorite, but it is still a favorite nonetheless. My two complaints with this book are that the traditional comb binding tends to fall apart and "Judy's Book" is way too easy for little boys (and girls, too, I'm sure) to tear out when their Mommy isn't looking. I did see that this is available in a board book, which I think I would prefer. But, despite the drawbacks, this simple activity/skill book is great. When we first started reading this book, I had to take Caleb's hand and help him with all the activities. It has been fun to watch his skills grow over the last 18-months. Now he does all the activities on his own, usually before I can even finish reading the page.
10. That's Not My Train by Fiona Watt and Rachel Wells: This touchy-feely book is great for little fingers to explore. Caleb also enjoys finding the tiny mouse on each page. Whoever came up with this idea (Fiona and Rachel, presumably) hit on a winner. There is a whole series of these books and each of the ones I've seen are great.
11. That's Not My Truck by Fiona Watt and Rachel Wells: Ditto the previous book's review
12. Who Says Quack? by Jerry Smith: This little book is the perfect size for throwing in the diaper bag and pulling out when needed (on the bus, in the doctor's waiting room, etc). Caleb loves the real pictures and his animal imitations crack me up, especially the donkey. I love the pictures, too, because the baby animals are very cute. . . almost as cute as the kid to whom I read =)

Of course, there are many, many other favorites around here, but I limited myself to 12. Whenever possible, I buy the board book binding. . . it's usually cheaper (believe it or not) and it allows Caleb to enjoy his books without his paranoid mother hovering nearby to make sure he doesn't rip the pages. We do read a lot of "regular" books, as well, and I am teaching him how treat books properly, but it'll be a long while before that skill is totally mastered. Until then, board books are a great way to encourage him to "read" on his own.

Update on Chair Time

If you read my original post, you know my goal was to have Caleb sitting for Chair Time for 30-minutes by the end of March. I underestimated his abilities! For the last week, Caleb has been quietly "reading" on his chair for 35 minutes at a time!

This was a good reminder to me that toddlers are capable of much more than we often realize. Their behavior (or misbehavior) is often (not always, but often) a reflection of our expectations. I am guilty of making excuses for Caleb in many situations where I probably shouldn't. I am not talking about being hard-nosed or ungracious for times when he is truly tired or hungry or upset for some reason, but a lot of times, I am the problem because I am either too lazy or too preoccupied to let Caleb know what my expectations are or to consistently follow through with consequences.

Like most kids his age, he still LOVES to please me. When I ask him to do simple tasks, he usually jumps on the opportunity. . . even when that task is to sit quietly on the bus with his hands folded. I need to remember this and use it to my advantage right now, because it won't always be this easy to train him!

Recipe for a Fun Bath

Mix Together:
1 dirty little boy
1/2 tub luke-warm water
1 Tbs bubble bath
3 Crayola Bath Tub Fingerpaints

Add a dash of creativity and a pinch of silliness.
Allow to set for at least 30 minutes!






Thanks, Yvette, for providing the Finger Paints =)

Toddler Training: Chair Time

Every morning, after breakfast, Caleb has "chair time." On some days, I let Caleb pick out a few books or a small toy, on other days, I choose for him. I arrange the books on his special chair and he climbs up for some quiet play time. The idea is for him to be able to sit quietly for an extended period of time. We started with 5-minute sessions, are currently at 10 minutes, and have a goal of 30 minutes by the end of March.

"Chair Time" has been a great addition to our day! Caleb is learning to focus and play quietly, and I am able to use the 10 minutes to do the breakfast dishes, start a load of laundry or get myself ready for the day.


In the afternoon, we alternate between "Blanket Time" and "Tent Time". . . same idea only Caleb either "reads" quietly on a small blanket I put out on the living room floor, or plays quietly in his pop-up tent.

I can't take credit for coming up with this wonderful idea (I've read about it in a few books and seen variations of it on blogs like this one) but it has been working so well for us that I wanted to pass along the idea to you.