It's Christmastime and Handel's beautiful Messiah has been playing on my iTunes for days. It fills me with such longing and aching in my soul. For me, it is usually a painful process to listen to the Messiah. As with all earthly things, there is a pain in the beauty and an aching in the joy.
Being a mother is no exception. Two nights ago, after having put Caleb down for his "long winter's nap", Josh and I snuggled up and talked (and talked and talked). We don't get a lot of uninterrupted time to talk, so I was savoring every moment. Among the myriad topics we covered, we spent some time talking about (of course) Caleb. About how amazing it is that we have a son. I told Josh that when I think about the fact that I have "a baby", my mind can get itself around that idea. After all, a baby is something one has for just a short period of time. It's not hard to mother a baby. But, when I ponder the fact that I have "a son", my mind does all sorts of flips and contortions. A son? A son. . . a son who is a baby right now, will soon be a toddler and will, before I know it, be driving and leaving for college. A son. . . a son who I have been called by God to prepare for life in this fallen world. Unfathomable! Heart swelling and heart breaking all at once.
As I was talking, I gathered up all that paradoxical motherly emotion and poured it out onto the shoulder of my husband. I cried thinking about the fact that the little baby boy we just said hello to for the very first time, will be saying goodbye to us in just a few years, as we send him off into this big world to make his own life, build his own family, and start the whole thing over again. It is good and right that it should be so. It is beautiful and painful all at once. After all, I would not want a baby forever. Each season is ordained and perfect in its own time, but even the seasons change. I can only pray and work diligently to ensure that when that goodbye-day comes both Caleb and I will be ready for it. That I will have done all a mother can possibly do to train and guide her son in the path of godliness and wisdom, and that I will have steeled myself for the letting go process.
God had a Son, too, and unto us that Son was given, the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. . .The Messiah. Merry Christmas!
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4 comments:
I loved this post, Becca. So beautiful! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for offering them in written form.
"He shall lead His flock like a shepherd; He shall gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom; and SHALL GENTLY LEAD THOSE THAT ARE WITH YOUNG." Isaish 40:11
This verse sustained me during the season of raising you and your siblings, Bec. How astonishing that He leads us as we parent!
The "letting go" is a beautiful and painful process, but there is peace and contentment in the knowledge that the Shepherd still tenderly cares for His own.
You are a wonderful mother, and how fortunate is Josh to have been given you as the mother of his children...
I just wanted to share from my own experience...I remember when my oldest was born and thinking "we are having so much fun here, I will be so sad when I have to let her go to school!" The years quickly went by and Kindergarten days were upon us. That first day I was so HAPPY for her. She was soo excited and definitely needed more than just playtime at home...she was ready to learn and make friends, etc. It was more joyous than I could expect. I guess when they are ready to spread wings and fly a little you will be too.
Polkadot... so true! God gives grace at each step.
You thought you could never bear to have your newborn sleep down the hall, and the next thing you know you are watching those teen-driven tail-lights turn the corner!
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